A drunken daze...skeet

So I had plans to post yesterday, however as Erin can vouche for, I was entirely too drunk.


I was having this outstanding dream of Kiera Knightly kissing my neck yesterday morning. It was quite brilliant, however, much to my dismay, I woke up to the cold nose of a 95lb German Shepard poking me in said neck. So that's how that day started.




I made the recent discovery that Dutch children are easily the most horrible little demons on Earth. It wouldn't surprise me if they were the ones responsible for the Rwanda massacres years ago. These kids make Sam Speed's offspring seem tame and civilized. I was walking through a park in the morning with my dad, and all the little bastards were doing was yelling and running around. A pair of them even decided it would be "cute" to scream at me the entire length of the park. However, the Dutch don't believe in fences or boundaries at these parks, so the little fuckers can just stroll out in front of a tram or bus. I believe it's what they consider population control.

On a similar subject, I was at the grocery store later that day. We go everyday because you can only get as much as you can carry. You have to pack your own groceries in a bag you bring with you. There was this little section of the store where parents could just dump kids off and shop. In this little castle of terror there was a TV playing Disney's animated Robin Hood. A great movie for young and old, however when it is dubbed in Dutch it is the most terrrifing thing I have ever heard. The male voices scream this horrible noise at you. No wonder the kids are fucked up.

In this same super market I got another surprise, this time pleasant. After being scared shitless by Disney, good ol' American porn brought a smile to my face. I'm standing in line, and what's this staring me in the face? Two pair of big ol' titties, an uncovered Playboy is sitting right next to a Star tabloid. This makes me assume that the old "Mommy, what are those?" talks happen alittle sooner here.

From what I gathered, the Dutch (or at least Amsterdam) are more socially advanced than anything else I've experienced. I base this soley on levels of tolerance. These people tolerate prostitution, hordes of foriegners, low level narcotics (herb and shrooms [shrooms are everywhere]), crazy hippies, and most horrible...patulie. That's my quick take on that.

I'm fairly convinced that my parents are out to get me drunk. They buy me beer by the case at the store, then take me to the pub and order me a beer even I don't ask. Now for some math: I had two 9.5% alc beers at 33cl (a touch over 11oz), then two more 5.1%ers at same volume (that makes 6 normal beers now). My dad takes me home, leaves to go out with his co workers to another pub, I head back out myself. Same pub as before, more beer. Two more small 5.1%s (8 now) then two big ones. These things were huge. Those things were easily 22oz, if not more. I'll be modest and say they were only twice as big as the smalls. Regardless, that puts me at 12 beers (modest) in 2 hours?? Drunk...but before then I decided with my good drunk judgment that I wanted to goto a cafe...

So you might here these tales of beautiful Dutch women rolling your J then licking it in the most sexual manner possible...heh. If by beautiful woman you mean sweaty, fat Greek dude, and by lick you mean throw a plastic vial with the J in it at me then overcharge me then...yes, yes it's like that. It was a shitty place, and I sat at a table in drunk(heh, on a proof read I found this and left it, funny fryodian slip...front) of this crazy strung out ice head, possible hermaphordite. It was a a sketchy call...but I did it. I guess it didnt help I did it was a block away from my house, which is quite a distant from the tourist areas, which is where all that stuff is. I couldnt feel the herb over the alchohol I consumed, money well spent. Excuse the sarcasm.

Strike three.

I called Erin, then proceeded to silly drunk shit around my house. Apparently I fell down the stairs...

I got bored and decided to go on an adventure...I went to the red light district, where I walked around for somewhere around 3 hours. Two things learnt: Haitians sell lots of blow, and you can't play a player. First, there are these Haitian dudes trying to push coke all over the place over there. I got sick of it, so in my great judgement I went up to one when he called me over. I asked him, "Do I look like I'm stupid?" In which he questioned my orgin. I then asked him, "Do I look like a mark to you?" He replied that I look like a smart fellow. Then I told him "Then you know, thatI know, that your overpriced and cheap quality." He gave me this look of, "what the fuck just happened?" I walked off. It was a terrible a idea and nothing but bullshit, but I think that dude was actually uneasy as to what was conspiring in front of him. That was my danger for the night. Expect of course the hundreds of hookers.

Now the second lesson, the player thing. These bitches are players. No heart of gold or pretty women hookers here. However, they are smoking hot and theres something for anyones tastes. Fine ass bitches. I didn't do anything but walk around and absorb the vice for three hours, biggest waste of time ever. I guess I'll explain to yall what this place is like. Imagine an alley with glass doors lining it, now imagine half naked bitches behind the glass, like lunch meat. Crazy place.

So I was adventurous but didnt really do anything but get drunk yesterday.